🚨BREAKING: TESLA, Gods of Obscurity, Announce Covers Album to Save Jeff Keith’s Voice from Total Oblivion🚨
🎸So, apparently, TESLA, those guys who peaked in the ’80s and are still somehow clinging to life support, are dropping a covers album. Why? Well, according to guitar maestro Frank Hannon, it’s because frontman Jeff Keith can still kinda sing. I mean, compared to other dinosaurs from their era who now sound like dying cats, Jeff’s allegedly still got it. So, we’re getting a collection of songs carefully curated to showcase Jeff’s “soulfulness”. Soulfulness? 🤔 Did I accidentally stumble into a parody?
Hannon, bless his heart, told Eddie Trunk (because who else would care?), that bassist Brian Wheat is producing this masterpiece. I use the term masterpiece loosely here. Apparently, they’re digging up obscure classics that no one asked for and force-feeding them to us like day-old gas station sushi. Yum! 🍣
Oh, and Hannon recorded some stuff with Jeff in his hotel room in Vegas. Classy. Real classy. I can only imagine the sheer sonic perfection captured amidst the clatter of slot machines and the faint scent of desperation. 🎰💸
What gems can we expect? Well, TESLA, in their infinite wisdom, are gracing us with their rendition of SUPERTRAMP’s “Give a Little Bit”. Yes, you read that right. They’re taking a song known for its delicate beauty and probably turning it into a generic, guitar-wanking snooze-fest. 😴
But wait, there’s more! Remember TESLA‘s cover of CLIMAX BLUES BAND’s “I Love You”? The one that inexplicably racked up millions of views on YouTube? Yeah, that’s practically one of their hits now. Because, you know, original material is overrated. 🙄
And get this – Jeff himself handpicked most of the songs. We’re talking THE TEMPTATIONS, people! I’m already bracing myself for the sheer cringe factor of TESLA attempting Motown. 🤦♂️ Somebody stop them!
Remember that five-show Vegas residency at the House Of Blues? No? Well, don’t worry, because TESLA apparently touched “all sides” of their discography. All seven of them. From the “heavy edge” of “Modern Day Cowboy” to the acoustic snoozefest that is “Love Song.” Riveting stuff. 🙄
And let’s not forget “All About Love”, their latest six-song EP from November 2024, featuring, you guessed it, multiple versions of the same song! Acoustic, electric, hybrid…it’s like they’re trying to bore us into submission. Resistance is futile! 👽
Some “fans” (if those still exist) whined about the “polished” sound of their 2019 album, “Shock”. It was produced by Phil Collen from DEF LEPPARD, because what better way to ruin your credibility than to sound like a slightly less successful version of another band? 🤷♀️
Remember their cover of AEROSMITH’s “S.O.S. (Too Bad)”? Of course not! It was a bonus track on a live album recorded in Sturgis, South Dakota. Because nothing screams “rock and roll” like a biker rally. 🏍️
And who can forget the great drummer swap of 2021? Original drummer Troy Luccketta took “a little time” off. Translation: he couldn’t stand the smell of desperation any longer. He was replaced by Steve Brown, the younger brother of some other guy who used to be in DOKKEN. Keeping it in the family, I guess. 👨👩👧👦
Let’s be honest, TESLA‘s debut album, “Mechanical Resonance”, was only good because of “Modern Day Cowboy”. And “The Great Radio Controversy” produced a few hits, but let’s not pretend they’re anything more than cheesy power ballads. 🧀
So, there you have it. TESLA is releasing a covers album to keep Jeff Keith from becoming completely irrelevant. Get ready for a sonic train wreck of epic proportions. You’ve been warned! ⚠️
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Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
