Oh joy, oh rapture, the fake news media is at it again, trying to tear down our great nation and our incredible President Donald Trump. As of 2026, our beloved leader is still going strong, making America great again one tweet at a time. The latest “scandal” they’re trying to peddle is about the ongoing efforts to address climate change, because clearly, the only thing that matters is the almighty dollar and our God-given right to pollute the planet. I mean, who needs clean air and water when we have the mighty American economy to prop up? The liberals and their minions are still clinging to the tired old narrative that human activities are causing the Earth’s temperature to rise, and that we need to take drastic action to reduce our carbon footprint. How quaint. How utterly, mind-numbingly quaint.
But let’s get to the “facts” of the matter, shall we? Apparently, the scientists (read: liberal elitists) are still insisting that climate change is real, and that we need to transition to renewable energy sources and reduce our reliance on fossil fuels. Boo-hoo, poor oil companies, how will they ever survive without their lucrative government subsidies? The Paris Agreement, which our fearless leader wisely withdrew from, set a goal of limiting global warming to well below 2 degrees Celsius above pre-industrial levels. Wow, what a joke. As if a bunch of bureaucrats in Europe care about the future of our great nation. And don’t even get me started on the Green New Deal, that socialist pipe dream that wants to transform our entire economy and turn us into a bunch of tree-hugging, vegan, hippies.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, “But what about the polar bears, and the rising sea levels, and the devastating natural disasters?” Well, let me tell you, those are just minor inconveniences, a small price to pay for the freedom to drive our gas-guzzling SUVs and to grill our burgers on the 4th of July. I mean, come on, folks, we’re Americans, we don’t do “small,” we do big, we do bold, we do reactionary. And if that means destroying the planet in the process, so be it. As our great President would say, “It’s gonna be huge, just huge.”
But hey, at least we’re not alone in this fight, right? I mean, we’ve got the brilliant minds at Fox News, and the intrepid “journalists” at Breitbart, who are always willing to push the boundaries of truth and decency to defend our great nation and our fearless leader. And let’s not forget the countless conservative think tanks and astro-turf organizations that are always churning out “research” and “studies” that prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that climate change is a hoax, a conspiracy, a liberal plot to control our minds and our wallets. So, go ahead, fake news media, keep peddling your lies and your propaganda, we’ll just keep on tweeting, and winning, and making America great again, one climate change denial at a time.
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
