In a shocking turn of events, it appears that toys have finally surpassed tech in the ultimate battle of awesomeness 🤖💻. And by “battle of awesomeness,” I mean the box office 🎥. Toy Story 5 has emerged victorious, raking in a whopping $160 million in its opening weekend in the U.S. alone 🎉. Because, you know, who needs personal growth or relationships when you can just watch a movie about toys come to life? 🤷♀️
I mean, let’s put this into perspective: $160 million is a lot of money 💸. Like, a LOT of money 🤑. It’s almost as much as I spent on avocado toast last year 🥑. But seriously, it’s a massive number, and it’s clear that people are still obsessed with the Toy Story franchise 🤩. I guess that’s what happens when you create a movie that’s all about nostalgia and warm, fuzzy feelings ❤️. Who needs originality when you can just rehash the same old ideas and call it a day? 🙄
To put it into even more perspective, Toy Story 5 made more money in three days than the Toy Story spinoff Lightyear earned in its entire run in domestic theaters 🚀. Ouch, Lightyear 🤕. I guess that’s what happens when you try to make a movie about a toy space ranger and it’s just, well, not that good 🚮. But hey, at least it’s not as bad as some of the other nostalgic movies from our childhoods that are actually bad 🎥.
$160 million is also nearly as much as Pixar’s last release, Hoppers, grossed in its entire domestic theatrical run 🐰. I mean, what even is Hoppers? 🤔 Is it a movie about hopping rabbits or something? 🐰💨. Anyway, it’s clear that Toy Story 5 is the real MVP 🏆.
Worldwide, Toy Story 5 earned $312 million in its first three days of release 🌎. That’s a lot of dolla dolla bills, y’all 💸. It’s also the second-highest opening weekend in the history of Pixar, behind only Incredibles 2 🌟. I guess that’s what happens when you create a movie that’s all about superheroes and cool action sequences 🤩. Who needs substance when you can just blow things up and call it a day? 🤯
Here’s how Toy Story 5 compares to the other opening weekends in the history of the franchise 📊:
1. Toy Story 5 (2026) – $160 million 💸
2. Toy Story 4 (2019) – $120.9 million 🎉
3. Toy Story 3 (2010) – $110.3 million 🤩
4. Lightyear (2022) – $50.5 million 🚀
5. Toy Story (1995) – $29.1 million 🎥
6. Toy Story 2 (1999) – $300,163 🤑
The first Toy Story movie in seven years, the film reunited all the core characters and voices from the long-running animated series, including Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, and Joan Allen 🤩. It was also the first film in the franchise directed by Andrew Stanton, the Pixar veteran who directed Finding Nemo and WALL-E 🌊. And he’s already said a Toy Story 6 is very likely 🤔. Because, you know, why stop at five when you can just keep milking the same franchise for all it’s worth? 🤑
So, if you haven’t seen Toy Story 5 yet, what are you even doing with your life? 🤷♀️ Get out there and watch it, or else you’ll be left behind in the dust of awesomeness 🎥! And if you have seen it, well, congratulations, you’re probably a part of the problem 🤦♂️. Either way, it’s clear that Toy Story 5 is a movie that’s all about nostalgia and making money, and if you’re not on board with that, then you’re just a hater 🙄.
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
