So, apparently, Ozzy Osbourne, bless his heart, mumbled his way through what they’re calling his “last” performance earlier tonight (Saturday, July 5) at the “Back To The Beginning” event at the Villa Park in Birmingham, United Kingdom. I mean, “last” as in until the next reunion tour for a quick cash grab, right? 😉
Ozzy, bless his cotton socks, wheezed through a five-song set with his band of merry men – guitarist Zakk Wylde (still shredding, I guess?), bassist Mike Inez (who?), keyboardist Adam Wakeman (Rick’s kid, so nepotism lives!) and drummer Tommy Clufetos (another drummer, who cares?). Then, the geriatric dream team of original BLACK SABBATH members lumbered on stage: Tony Iommi (guitar, still can’t smile), Geezer Butler (bass, probably thinking about retirement), and… wait for it… Bill Ward (drums). They did four “classic” SABBATH songs: “War Pigs” (more like Snore Pigs 😴), “Iron Man” (rusty, like their joints), “N.I.B.” (Now I’m Bored), and “Paranoid” (which is probably what they all are about their health insurance).
Ozzy’s solo set (if you can call it that) consisted of four songs from Osbourne‘s 1980 solo debut album “Blizzard Of Ozz” – “I Don’t Know” (and neither does he!), “Mr. Crowley” (more like Mr. Cranky), “Suicide Solution” (maybe a solution to ending the boredom?), and “Crazy Train” (derailed years ago 🚂) – along with his 1991 “No More Tears” ballad “Mama, I’m Coming Home” (to take a nap, probably).
The 76-year-old heavy metal… uh… singer, who’s battling Parkinson’s (poor guy, no joke there), sang while perched on a black throne. A THRONE! 👑 Because standing is just too much these days. He appeared “overcome with emotion.” Or maybe he just forgot the lyrics again? “You have no idea how I feel. Thank you from the bottom of my heart,” he mumbled. Probably thanking them for still showing up after all these years. Or for remembering his name. 🤔
Over 40,000 die-hard (or just plain old) fans showed up. Apparently, METALLICA, SLAYER, PANTERA, LAMB OF GOD, and ANTHRAX also played. Profits went to charity. Good for them, I guess. Maybe they can buy Ozzy a new hip. 🤷♀️
There was a livestream, but it was delayed by two hours. Because technology is hard, especially for boomers. 👴👵
So, if you missed it, you can rewatch it for 48 hours! Relive the magic (or the misery) over and over! Yay! 🎉
“Back To The Beginning” was captured, produced, and distributed by Mercury Studios. They partnered with Kiswe to deliver this “moment of music history.” Because nothing says “music history” like a shaky livestream of a bunch of old dudes. 🤳
The whole thing was hosted by Jason Momoa. Because Aquaman loves geriatric metal. Or maybe he just needed the paycheck. 🤷♂️
Iommi said he was worried about the “unknown.” Probably worried about whether his arthritis would flare up. 😖
He was approaching the show with “excitement mixed with fear.” Mostly fear, I bet. 😨
Iommi admitted it took some convincing to get him on board. Probably had to promise him a lifetime supply of Bengay. 💪
He said they were doing it “for a reason… No one’s getting paid or anything.” Yeah, right. 🙄
Butler admitted he was stressing about the gig. “I’m already having palpitations,” he revealed. “In fact, I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed everything went wrong on stage and we all turned to dust.” Sounds about right. 🔥
Sharon said Ozzy is struggling to walk, but his voice is “as good as ever.” Sure, Jan. 🎤
She said Ozzy won’t play any more shows after this. “This is his full stop.” Until the next reunion tour in six months. 🗓️
There was also a performance by a “supergroup” including Billy Corgan, K.K. Downing, Jake E. Lee, Nuno Bettencourt, Sammy Hagar, and Steven Tyler. A supergroup of has-beens! 🦸♂️
The original lineup of BLACK SABBATH hadn’t performed together since 2005. Because time marches on, and so does arthritis. 🚶
Sharon told Reuters that Ozzy was doing well and excited about the gig. “It’s stimulated him,” she said. “He’s very, very excited and very thankful that he can do it.” Or maybe he’s just happy to be alive. 🙏
Ozzy was diagnosed with Parkin 2 in 2003. And also, he fell, dislodged metal rods, and caught COVID-19. It’s been a rough couple of decades. 🤕
He canceled his European tour with JUDAS PRIEST. Probably because he couldn’t remember the lyrics to “Breaking the Law.” 📜
Despite his health problems, Ozzy performed at the Commonwealth Games and the NFL halftime show. Because even old rockers need a paycheck. 💰
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
