I just spilled my beer all over my favorite black metal t-shirt, and it’s not even like I’m surprised. I mean, who needs a social life when you’ve got a health scare to worry about, right? 🤷♂️ Nick Barker, the legendary extreme metal drummer, has been through hell and back, battling kidney failure and a life-threatening condition called calciphylaxis. Yeah, try saying that three times fast after a few beers 🍺.
According to an interview with Paul McNamee of The False Face podcast, Barker’s health is improving day by day, but it’s been a wild ride. He developed calciphylaxis, which has a 50/50 survival rate – yeah, those are some crappy odds, dude. The condition was caused by a blood thinner medication called warfarin, which made his blood vessels calcify, leaving him with “big fucking bruised lesions” on his calves. I mean, who needs a lava lamp when you’ve got that going on? 🌋
The Horror, The Horror!
Barker described the pain as “fucking excruciating” and “unbearable,” saying it felt like his legs were “in a fire constantly.” I can only imagine the pain was so bad, he probably thought, “You know what? I’ll just stick to playing the drums with my feet, thanks.” 🤣 He was on morphine, methadone, and some other fancy-schmancy meds, but they only took the edge off a bit. I mean, who needs sleep when you’re in that much pain, right? Might as well just stay up and binge-watch some Netflix 📺.
The 53-year-old drummer has been playing since he was 13, and his professional career took off in 1993 with Cradle of Filth. He’s played with some of the biggest names in metal, including Dimmu Borgir, Testament, and Exodus. But let’s be real, folks, it’s not like he’s been resting on his laurels – the guy’s been touring non-stop and making music like there’s no tomorrow. Which, let’s face it, there almost wasn’t 🙅♂️.
From ICU to “I’m Not Paying” 🤑
Barker previously discussed his health challenges in an interview with Earth House, where he talked about being stuck at home after traveling the world every month. He said it took him six months to come to terms with it, feeling like he was “in prison.” I can relate, dude – I’ve been stuck at home with a bad case of the Mondays, and it’s a real prison 🤣. He also talked about a health scare while on tour, where he had a panic attack on a heavy metal cruise and was asked to pay $1000 for oxygen. His response? “Fuck you.” 💸 Yeah, that’s the spirit, Nick! Who needs oxygen when you’ve got a good sense of humor? 🤣
All joking aside, it’s great to hear that Barker is on the mend, and we can all breathe a collective sigh of relief. I mean, who needs a healthy Nick Barker when you’ve got a good drummer joke, right? 😂 But seriously, folks, let’s all take a moment to appreciate the metal legends who keep on keeping on, even when their bodies are trying to stage a rebellion. Cheers to Nick Barker, and may his drums always be loud and his health be good 🥳! 🍺
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
