Oh, the sweet irony! 🤣 Virtuos, the studio that allegedly “remastered” Oblivion into a slightly shinier, but still janky, version for consoles, is now facing layoffs. I guess prettifying potato graphics doesn’t pay the bills anymore? Who would have thought? 🤔
According to some random post on Bluesky (because that’s where all the *real* news breaks, am I right? 🙄), Virtuos, the *genius* minds behind the hit Oblivion Remastered (and by “hit,” I mean “mildly amusing distraction for five minutes”), has shrunk faster than my enthusiasm for another Skyrim port. The news comes from some French dude named Gauthier Andres (bet you can’t pronounce that!) and was *totally* confirmed by Virtuos’ own PR-spun statement titled “Adapting for the Future of Game Development.” Translation: “We screwed up, and now people are losing their jobs!” 🤷♂️ They go on to say they’re “rebalancing roles” – which is corporate speak for “firing people.” Apparently, a whopping 7% of their global workforce got the boot! 🎉 Congrats, guys, you’re now part of the “restructuring” statistic!
I mean, it’s not like Oblivion Remastered was a critical darling or anything. Oh wait… it got “mostly positive” reviews on Steam? 🧐 That’s shocking! I thought everyone was still too busy complaining about the horse armor to notice anything else. And they helped with the Cyberpunk 2077 Update 2.3? 😱 The one that *finally* lets you drive those flying cars everyone was promised? Incredible. Plus, they are apparently touching *Metal Gear Solid Delta: Snake Eater*, Konami’s next attempt at selling nostalgia. With all of that work, how did they screw up that bad? I guess 7% of staff reduction means about 300 souls.
The announcement goes on to detail the layoffs, because we *totally* needed more information about how badly they messed up. Apparently, the cuts were “primarily in teams facing lower occupancy and slower demand.” So, the people who were *actually* working on stuff got canned. Genius! 🧠 And get this, the core team working on Oblivion Remastered in France was *barely* affected! So, the guys who are to blame are free to screw up other games, as usual. Bethesda, in their infinite wisdom, even bragged on X (formerly known as Twitter, because nobody can keep up with Elon’s ego) that “over 4 million of you have already ventured into Cyrodiil with Oblivion Remastered!” That’s 4 million people who now know that nostalgia is a lie. 🤥
But hey, at least Virtuos is being “grateful” for the contributions of those impacted. They’re even providing “separation packages” (aka, a pathetic severance check), “career transition assistance” (aka, a useless resume workshop), and “opportunities for redeployment across our global network where possible” (aka, “good luck finding another job!”). So, everything’s fine! 🔥 The company’s immediate focus is on managing this transition with “care, transparency, and respect.” Which roughly translates to: “Don’t sue us!”.
Let’s all raise a glass to Virtuos, the masters of mediocrity! 🥂 May their future projects be as… *interesting* as Oblivion Remastered. And to the laid-off employees, may you find jobs that actually appreciate your talent. Maybe try applying to a studio that *doesn’t* specialize in polishing turds? Just a thought. 😇
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
