OMG! 😱 Joe Lynn Turner, the dude who once fronted RAINBOW and DEEP PURPLE (kinda, sorta…), is back with some hot takes straight from the Motherland! 🇷🇺 In a chat with Pavel Bazdyrev of the Musical Craft podcast (never heard of it, but whatever), JLT spilled the borscht about his love affair with Russia. Apparently, he’s been hanging out there, soaking up the “culture,” and totally not noticing any geopolitical shenanigans. 🤷♂️
So, get this: Joe remembers playing with Yngwie back in the day for that epic album, ‘[Trial By Fire:] Live In Leningrad’. Leningrad, for you young’uns, is what they called Saint Petersburg before it got all fancy-pants. He’s all like, “Oh, man, the KGB was EVERYWHERE! It was sooooo different then!” 🙄 Yeah, no duh, Sherlock. It was the Soviet Union! But according to Joe, this eye-opening experience gave him a “30,000-foot view” of the world. Translation: He got a free trip and some questionable souvenirs. Souvenirs filled with polonium maybe?
Apparently, Russia’s “depth of character” and “culture” are just… *chef’s kiss*… sublime! Forget all that “craziness and materialism” in the West, comrades! Joe’s found enlightenment in a land where dissent is discouraged and state-sponsored propaganda flows like vodka at a wedding. 🥳 And get this: he says Americans just don’t understand because they haven’t had a war in their country recently. Because, you know, the Civil War and two World Wars were just… a minor inconvenience. Thanks for mansplaining history, Joe! 🤦♂️
When Pavel (whoever that is) gushed about how honored he is that Joe chose Russia and Belarus as his playground, Joe doubled down on the bromance. He’s got a friend who’s so enamored with the “mentality” and “depth” that he’s seeking citizenship! 🤯 I guess escaping Western decadence to embrace a society with… uh… *unique* values is the new black. Who needs freedom of speech when you have… balalaikas? 🎻
And does Joe feel like a foreigner? Nope! He feels right at home! He can’t speak Russian fluently, but he’s got the “heart of the people,” which apparently translates to ignoring international condemnations and cozying up to a regime with a… *complicated* reputation. 🤔 He welcomes the “differences and the similarities,” which is code for “I’ll take rubles over royalties any day.” 💸
Of course, Joe couldn’t resist throwing some shade at those “international artists” who bailed on Russia after, you know, the whole Ukraine thing. He’s a rebel! A maverick! A… useful idiot? 🤔 And let’s not forget his support for Roger Waters, who’s been busy blaming everyone but Russia for the ongoing conflict. Birds of a feather, amirite? 🦢
But wait, there’s more! Back in 2015, Joe was already stanning for Vlad the Impaler… I mean, Putin, claiming he was “the only one who’s telling the truth!” 🤥 Two years later, he doubled down, saying Putin might be a “gangster,” but a “good gangster!” Because, you know, the Mafia always had such a stellar reputation for… community outreach. 🏘️
According to Joe, America’s lost its way, and Russia has more freedom. FREEDOM! In Russia! 🤣 I can’t even… He also thinks America “always needs a big, bad wolf” and that the demonization of Russia is all about the “military-industrial complex.” Classic! 🙄
And for all you “naysayers and haters” who dare to question his Russophilia, Joe’s got a message: you’re just ignorant! You haven’t been subpoenaed by the U.S. government for playing “charity shows” in Crimea, so you know NOTHING! 🙅♂️ That’s right, folks! Questioning Joe Lynn Turner is akin to treason! 😜
So, there you have it. Joe Lynn Turner, rock star turned geopolitical guru, spreading the love for Russia one интервью at a time. 💖 Just remember, kids: when in doubt, trust the guy who sang “I Surrender” over the opinions of, you know, actual experts. 🤡
P.S. I bet he’s got a sweet deal for some beachfront property in Crimea!
Photo credit: Agata Nigrovskaya (I wonder if she lives in Russia?) (courtesy of Mascot Label Group) Maybe the Kremlin pays for these photos?
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
