Oh, great, another Assassin’s Creed adaptation! 🙄 Because the movie wasn’t a colossal dumpster fire 🔥 enough, Netflix has decided to grace us with a live-action series. Buckle up, folks, because this is gonna be a wild ride straight into mediocrity! 🎢
Netflix, bless their cotton socks 🧦, is apparently still convinced that they can make a decent Assassin’s Creed adaptation. They’ve cast some bloke called Toby Wallace (who, let’s be honest, most of us have never heard of 🤔) to star in their little venture. And guess where it’s set? Italy! 🇮🇹 Groundbreaking, truly revolutionary stuff. 🙄 I mean, who needs originality when you can just regurgitate the Ezio trilogy for the millionth time? 😴
Remember when Netflix announced this thing like, five years ago? 🕰️ Yeah, well, they’re finally getting around to it. Apparently, Roberto Patino and David Wiener are the masterminds behind this. I’m sure they’ll do a fantastic job of butchering the source material, just like they did with DMZ and Halo! 👏 Don’t worry, Ubisoft is “helping” them, so you know it’s going to be corporate synergy at its finest! 🤝
So, Toby Wallace is playing one of the “co-leads,” whoever that is. 🤔 The show will be about Templars and Assassins fighting over free will, which is totally a new concept that’s never been explored before. 🙄 And get this: it’ll follow characters (who are TOTALLY different from the games, wink wink nudge nudge 😉) across key historical events. So basically, it’s Assassin’s Creed, but not really. 🤷♂️ Got it? Good.
Oh, and did you know that Assassin’s Creed has sold over 200 million units? 🤯 Yeah, well, Netflix is hoping to milk that cash cow 🐄 for all it’s worth. Production is expected to start in 2026, so get ready for another wave of disappointment! 🎉 Of course, storyline elements and Toby Wallace’s character are being kept “under wraps.” 🤫 Because nothing says “we have confidence in our product” like hiding everything until the last possible minute. 🙈
In conclusion, get ready for another Assassin’s Creed adaptation that will probably make you want to throw your TV out the window. 🪟 But hey, at least it’ll give us something to complain about on the internet! 💻
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