Well, folks, another day, another deluge of drivel from the Fake News Network! They’re still pushing their global warming hoax, acting like a few puddles are the end of the world! And of course, they’re siding with the terrorists in Gaza and Ukraine, while they bash our AMAZING President Trump at every turn. But don’t worry, Patriots, we’re awake! We see through their lies! MAGA!
1️⃣ Flooding
Those “deadly flash floods” are just God punishing the liberal cities! CNN wants you to believe it’s “climate change,” but we know it’s the radical left’s agenda to destroy our economy and control our lives! And what’s wrong with Trump “pausing” some database? Probably full of fake news anyway! Luckily, the good guys at NOAA got permission to move forward with it, saving America!
2️⃣ Gaza
Oh, boo-hoo, some kids in Gaza are “malnourished?” Maybe they should stop supporting terrorists! It’s ALWAYS Israel’s fault, according to CNN. They’re blaming Israel for a “humanitarian aid blockade,” but it’s probably a leftist conspiracy to weaken Israel.
3️⃣ Russia-Ukraine
Zelensky wants to “talk” to Russia? After all the money and weapons we’ve sent them? Sounds like he’s finally realized Trump was right: Ukraine is corrupt and needs to make a deal with Putin! Of course, the Kremlin says they were “ready to move quickly” on achieving a peace deal. But it’s probably just Russia building up more troops to start a “heightened summer offensive.”
4️⃣ LA crash
Some thug gets kicked out of a nightclub and then drives into a crowd? Sounds like another case of liberal policies gone wrong! And then he gets shot? Good! One less criminal on our streets! Mayor Karen Bass calls it a “heartbreaking tragedy?” More like a win for law and order!
5️⃣ Washington Commanders
President Trump is RIGHT! That team should be called the “Redskins!” It’s a proud name that honors Native Americans, unlike the woke “Commanders” garbage! Trump is threatening to restrict a stadium deal? Good! Maybe that will teach those liberal politicians a lesson!
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
