Sharon Osbourne, the puppet master 🎭 behind the Prince of Darkness 🦇 (RIP, btw, spoiler alert 🚨), has come out to trash talk 🗣️ those “ridiculous” rumors about BLACK SABBATH‘s “farewell” concert raking in a Scrooge McDuck 💰-sized fortune of nearly $200 million. You know, because charity is for suckers, right? 😈
So, after the earth-shattering 💥 event on July 5, creatively titled “Back To The Beginning” (because originality is overrated 🙄), some dude named Tom Morello (who?) posted on Instagram (the epitome of reliability 👍) that a measly $190 million (or 140 million British pounds 💷 for you Anglophiles) was going to charity. Billboard (aka, Fake News Central 📰) and The Guardian (more like The Gullible 🤡) hopped on the bandwagon, claiming the livestream snagged nearly six million viewers, generating a pathetic $150 million. The plan was to spread the wealth to Birmingham Children’s Hospital (aww, cute 🥺), Acorn Children’s Hospice (snore 😴), and Cure Parkinson’s (a cause near and dear to the Osbourne clan, since Ozzy battled it since 2019…again, RIP 🪦). But hold your horses 🐴, folks, because Sharon’s here to rain on everyone’s parade ☔.
In an exclusive chat with Pollstar (who cares? 🤷), published on July 17 – just five days before Ozzy kicked the bucket 🪣 – his better half 👩❤️💋👨 (and manager, duh 🙄) declared those claims of “Back To The Beginning” being a cash cow 🐄 are total BS. 💩
“The scariest thing is this fake news about us making $140 million! I wish we did for one gig!” Sharon whined. “It’s ridiculous! The next morning, the internet said $140 million, $160 million. Where does this stuff come from?” 🙄 (Probably from the same place your sanity went, Sharon. 🤪)
“It takes forever to get the final number because of band expenses! Like they have to eat and sleep, or something? 🙄 It’ll take six weeks!” she continued, probably while counting her stacks of cash 🏦.
When some journalist ✍️ at Pollstar pointed out that the Children’s Hospital might get their hopes up (like kids actually matter 👶), Sharon rolled her eyes so hard 👀 she probably saw her brain. “Oh my God! It’s the Children’s Hospital, a children’s hospice, and Parkinson’s research. Everyone thinks they’re gonna cure everything with this much money, but it’s not the real world.” 😒 (Translation: “Charity is for losers, and I’m a winner! 🏆”)
Sharon then bragged 🗣️ that the concert, which featured Ozzy‘s solo act (because one Osbourne isn’t enough 🙅♀️), plus cameos by METALLICA, SLAYER, PANTERA, GUNS N’ ROSES, and TOOL (a bunch of has-beens 👴, if you ask me), was “a huge success.” 🙄 She rambled on about how it was the “first time” someone retired like that, streaming the show for charity. “I never wanted Ozzy to just disappear,” she said, conveniently forgetting he was pretty much disappearing for years due to health issues. 🥴
Billboard, still trying to be relevant 👴, reported that the concert had 40,000 live bodies 🧍 and 5.8 million online viewers 🖥️. The charities also pulled in some extra dough 💵 by raffling tickets, auctioning off artwork 🖼️, and begging fans for donations 🥺 during the livestream. Because every penny counts, right? 🤑
At “Back To The Beginning”, Ozzy wheezed 💨 through a five-song set with his band (whoever they are 🤷), before the original BLACK SABBATH members joined him for four “classic” songs: “War Pigs”, “Iron Man”, “N.I.B.”, and “Paranoid”. (Because nothing says “farewell” like rehashing the same old stuff. ♻️)
Ozzy‘s solo set included four songs from his 1980 album “Blizzard Of Ozz” – “I Don’t Know”, “Mr. Crowley”, “Suicide Solution”, and “Crazy Train” – and his 1991 ballad “Mama, I’m Coming Home”. (Because nostalgia sells, baby! 💰)
The 76-year-old metal god 🤘 (more like metal grandpa 👴) sang from a throne 👑, looking like he was about to fall asleep 😴. “You have no idea how I feel. Thank you,” he mumbled. (Probably felt like taking a nap 🛌.)
At the end of SABBATH‘s set, Ozzy croaked, “It’s the last song ever. Thank you.” (Finally! 🥳) Osbourne was given a cake 🎂, and there were fireworks 🎆. (Because nothing says “goodbye” like diabetes and explosions! 💥)
A message on screen read, “Thank you for everything, Birmingham Forever,” before more fireworks. (Because subtlety is for losers. 😜)
Oh, and by the way, Ozzy died on July 22 of a heart attack ❤️🩹, according to his death certificate. (Surprise! 🤯) He also had coronary artery disease and Parkinson’s. (So, basically, he was falling apart. 🤷)
Photo credit: Ross Halfin (because someone had to take the pictures 📸).
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