OMG! EUROPE is STILL alive?! 🤣 In a groundbreaking interview with some dude named Anthony Bryant from The Hair Metal Guru (who?!), EUROPE drummer Ian Haugland (who?!) graced us with updates on their *next* LP. Get this, the last one dropped in 2017 💀. He whined about how time flies when you’re ancient👴🏻 (thanks for that deep insight, Ian). But fear not, fellow geriatric rockers, they *might* record it this October! 🗓️
When asked if they actually had songs written, Ian, in his infinite wisdom🧠, said they had “more than covers an album.” Wow, so profound! 🤯 Apparently, the secret to songwriting genius is taking SEVEN YEARS ⏳ between albums. And get this, they’re pulling a LED ZEPPELIN move and telling their record label, “Take it or leave it!” 😂 As if anyone cares at this point. Honestly, are they still relevant? 🤔
Album title? Who needs one? 🤷♂️ They’ll just “feel it out” in the studio. Genius move!💡 Ian, bless his heart 💖, says this new album is going to be “the fucking greatest album ever!” 😂🤣😂 Oh, honey, no. Maybe if it was 1986. 🙄 He continues to say, that the songs are “well thought-through creations with compositions within composition”. What does that even mean?🤡
Musically, it’s an “homage to the ’80s.” 🤮 More like a desperate attempt to recapture their long-lost glory. Expect “melodic ideas” and “melodies that carry the song.” Groundbreaking! 💥 Seriously, haven’t we heard enough ’80s nostalgia? 📻 Let’s just hope it doesn’t involve more teased hair and neon spandex. 🤢
🎤 Joey Tempest chimed in, blaming COVID for their epic delay.🦠 Said it gave them “extra time” to “live with the ideas.” Translation: they were binge-watching Netflix and forgot they were in a band. 🤦♂️ But hey, he promises this album is “gonna be special” because they lived with the songs for a while. 😴 I’m sure it will be. Special-ly boring. 💤
Ian, bless his heart AGAIN, admitted that some fans “miss the old EUROPE.” 🥺 No kidding, Sherlock! 🕵️♂️ He defends their “musical journey,” which apparently led them to bluesier hard rock. 🎸 Bluesy hard rock? From EUROPE?! 🤣 The horror!😱 But fear not, they’re “maybe more back to the melodic EUROPE, sort of.” Translation: they realized no one liked their blues phase. 😂
Joey also regurgitated the same “long break” story to some Brazilian dude. 🇧🇷 He said it feels like a “debut album” because they had “years to live with ideas.” So, basically, they’re starting over after 40 years? 👴🏻 Good luck with that! 👍
And hold on, Joey promises the new LP won’t be like “Walk The Earth” or “War Of Kings”. Phew! 😅 Instead, it’ll be a “new adventure” with “great melodies” and “some connection to the past.” Groundbreaking AGAIN! 🤯 I can’t wait for the power ballads and keytar solos. 🎹 NOT!
He also revealed that he’s writing with everyone. ✍️ How democratic! He continues saying, that they have had years to live with the songs. Yeah right, that’s why they’re still playing “The Final Countdown” at every gig. 🤡 And he says that it’s important to “always carry your past with you.” Sure, as long as you don’t get stuck in it. 🤪
Oh, and they released a new song called “Hold Your Head Up”. 🙄 Apparently, it’s a “punchy uptempo rocker with reminiscent elements of early EUROPE.” So original!👏 It was recorded with some guy who worked with GHOST and mixed by another guy who worked with RAMMSTEIN. Talk about a random combo! 🤪
Joey, in another interview, explained why they released just one song. 🤷♂️ It was to promote their tour and documentary. Duh! 🙄 He raved about working with the new producer, but they’re not sure if he’ll do the whole album. Suspense! 😬
Joey described “Hold Your Head Up” as a “good mixture” of classic and modern EUROPE. I think it’s a good mixture in the song, he says. He thinks it reminds you of some earlier stuff. Ok JoJo. It still sounds like EUROPE. Ok, boomer. 👴🏻👵🏻
So there you have it. EUROPE is *maybe* working on new music. Don’t hold your breath. 🙊
P.S. “Walk The Earth” was recorded at Abbey Road Studios with a Grammy Award-winning producer. As if that makes it any good. 🤣
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
