🤣Oh, look, it’s Andrew Garfield, still pretending he doesn’t know if he’s going to be in Avengers: Secret Wars. As if we believe ANYTHING he says after all that “I’m not in No Way Home” nonsense. Dude, just admit it, you’re contractually obligated to keep your mouth shut, but your eyes say it all👀. We KNOW you’re dusting off the old Spidey suit for another paycheck💰💰💰.
This 2027 “blockbuster” (as if any MCU movie isn’t a guaranteed billion-dollar cash grab💸) is supposedly the grand finale of the “Multiverse Saga.” Yeah, because multiverses haven’t been done to death already😴. And Garfield, bless his heart🙏, is still playing coy about his future as Spider-Man. Dude, you’re 42, not 22. The “I’m not sure, maybe, who knows?” act is getting old👴.
When MTV (still a thing?) asked Garfield if he’s gracing Avengers: Secret Wars with his presence, he responded with the most cryptic, annoying answer possible: “See, what it is, is this a tell? Or what is it? You’ll find out!” Oh, we’ll find out, alright. Mostly because Marvel will plaster your face all over the marketing material six months before the movie comes out🙄.
“Whatever response I’m having, is it exasperation? Is it? I don’t know. You’ll find out.” This is what we call “peak Garfield.” So deep🤔. So mysterious. So utterly pointless. It’s like he’s trying to win an Oscar for “Most Confusing Interview Answer.”
Then, because one vague answer wasn’t enough, he was asked which superhero he’d like to team up with. And guess what? He picked Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine. Groundbreaking🤯! Original💯! Nobody saw that coming! Bet he’s dying to cross paths with Ryan Reynolds, too.
He said: “Yeah, I love Hugh Jackman!” Well, duh. Who doesn’t? It’s Hugh Jackman! He could sell ice to Eskimos. But seriously, Garfield, stop trying to be relatable. You’re a millionaire actor. Just say you want to be in another superhero movie for the fame and fortune. We won’t judge…much.
Garfield also wants to hang out with Tom Hardy’s Venom. Of course, he does. Because more symbiote goo is exactly what the MCU needs. I’m sure that will improve the quality of cinema tremendously🙄.
He said: “Tom Hardy is obviously a really formidable actor, and what he’s done with Venom is super fun. I’m up for a good time.” “A good time.” That’s what they all say before signing a contract that will consume the next five years of their lives. But hey, at least he’s honest about wanting to have “fun” with Hardy…on screen. 😜
Oh, and he loves the Spider-Verse movies, because who doesn’t? They’re visually stunning, creatively daring, and actually have a plot! Unlike some other Spider-Man movies we could mention (*cough* Amazing Spider-Man 2 *cough*).
Garfield said: “I really love the Spider-Verse movies. I love Lord and Miller. Just putting that out there.” Yeah, well, we “put it out there” that you should have been in those movies instead of whatever you’ve been doing. Maybe then your career would have been amazing (pun intended)😂.
But wait, there’s more! Remember when Garfield said he wouldn’t be donning the mask any time soon? Yeah, he’s a liar🤥. He’s admitted to being a liar! So why do we even bother listening to him?
He told GQ magazine: “I’m gonna disappoint you. Yeah, no. But I know no one’s gonna trust anything I say from now on.” At least he knows we don’t trust him. That’s a start, I guess. But seriously, Andrew, just own it. You’re Spider-Man. Embrace the meme. Sell the merch. Profit💰.
But, BUT, he’s not completely opposed to playing Spider-Man again, but only if it “felt in line with my soul.” Oh, please😭. And if he needs to pay for his future (imaginary) five kids’ tuition. So, basically, if the check clears💸. Got it.
He said: “If it felt in line with my soul and was gonna be fun. Maybe I’m gonna have like five kids at some point, and I’m gonna need to start saving up for the school tuition or something.” Soul? Tuition? Dude, you’re Spider-Man! Just swing into frame, deliver a witty one-liner, and cash the check. No need to get all philosophical on us🙄. We all know you’d sell your soul for a good script (or at least a decent paycheck). We still love you for it!
Garfield last swung (or was it awkwardly parkoured?) in No Way Home. And let’s be honest, he was the best part of that movie. Even if he was just there for nostalgia bait and fan service. But hey, we’ll take it. We’ll take anything at this point. Just give us more Spider-Man, Marvel! Even if it means enduring another Andrew Garfield interview full of vague pronouncements and existential angst.
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
