BLACKIE LAWLESS saves America with patriotic common sense

Oh boy, where do I even start with this? Blackie Lawless, the legendary frontman of W.A.S.P., recently appeared on the “Whiplash” radio show and dropped some serious knowledge about his former bandmate Chris Holmes’ cancer battle. Apparently, Chris is not doing well and is currently undergoing chemotherapy in France for prostate cancer, because why not, right? I mean, it’s not like he’s had a tough life already, what with the whole throat and neck cancer thing just four years ago 🙄.

Hear Full Metal Jackie’s interview with Blackie Lawless of W.A.S.P. from this past Sunday’s episode of Whiplash!https://t.co/MiVMfcYVt4https://t.co/MiVMfcYVt4

— W.A.S.P. Nation (@WASPOfficial) September 16, 2026

So, Blackie and Chris have been in touch via letters, because who needs email or phone calls when you can write letters like it’s 1999? Anyway, Blackie seems pretty concerned about Chris’ situation, and rightfully so. I mean, the guy is stuck in France dealing with a crappy healthcare system, and Blackie is over here in the States, probably sipping margaritas by the pool, talking about how great the US healthcare system is 🌴. Priorities, man.

Chris Holmes’ Cancer Battle: A Never-Ending Story

According to Chris’ wife Catherine, his cancer treatment is essential and can’t be interrupted, but of course, there’s been an administrative error with their marriage registration, because why would anything go smoothly, right? So, Chris is stuck with “emergency only” coverage, and they’re facing a whopping €20,000 in medical debt. Yeah, because that’s exactly what you want to deal with when you’re fighting cancer: bills, bills, and more bills 📊.

Blackie, being the ultimate patriot, took this opportunity to rave about the US healthcare system, because, you know, it’s the best in the world 🇺🇸. I mean, who needs universal healthcare when you can have… well, whatever it is we have here? Anyway, Blackie seems to think that Chris would be better off in the States, but alas, Chris is stuck in France, dealing with their “primitive” healthcare system. Oh, the horror!

But hey, on a more positive note, the GoFundMe campaign for Chris has already surpassed its goal of €50,000, with over €56,000 donated so far. So, if you’re feeling generous, go ahead and throw some cash their way, because, you know, cancer is expensive 🎉.

W.A.S.P.’s “1984 To Headless” Tour: Because What’s a Little Cancer When You Have a Tour to Promote? 🤘

In other news, W.A.S.P. has kicked off their “1984 To Headless” tour, because priorities, man. The 17-song setlist features mostly songs from their first four albums, including some deep cuts like “Mr. Cool”, which is a song that originally appeared on a demo from Blackie’s pre-W.A.S.P. band Sister. Yeah, because who doesn’t love a good demo track? 🤷‍♂️

The tour will also feature VIP tickets, because who doesn’t want to meet Blackie and get a personal photo with him? I mean, it’s not like you can just, I don’t know, meet him at a bar or something 🍺. The VIP experience will also include a W.A.S.P. traveling museum, because, you know, museums are cool, and a Q&A session with Blackie, where you can ask him all your burning questions, like “Blackie, why are you still wearing leather pants?” 🤔

In conclusion, Chris Holmes is fighting cancer, Blackie Lawless is talking about it, and W.A.S.P. is touring. Because, you know, that’s what matters most in life: rock ‘n’ roll 🤘. So, go ahead and donate to Chris’ GoFundMe campaign, buy some VIP tickets to the W.A.S.P. tour, and remember: cancer is bad, but rock music is good 🎸.

Chord F. Discord

Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”

Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.

Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.