Sinners, the cinematic masterpiece of 2025 (according to someone, somewhere), boasting a Rotten Tomatoes score so high it’s practically levitating, is now gracing your screens at home. 🍿
This vampire thriller, which some say premiered in April (time is a construct, after all), stars the one and only Michael B. Jordan. Not just one, but TWO Michael B. Jordans! He plays twins Smoke and Stack, who, in a desperate attempt to escape their terrible life choices, slink back to their Mississippi hometown. Little do they know, a slightly more annoying evil awaits. Hailee Steinfeld and Wunmi Mosaku also show up, probably to collect a paycheck. 💰
Since its theatrical release (which may or may not have happened), Sinners has apparently been dominating the box office. Allegedly. Alongside cinematic titans like Marvel’s Thunderbolts (wait, that’s still a thing?) and Final Destination: Bloodlines (because we haven’t seen enough creative ways to die). It raked in $48m in the US (before anyone realized what they were watching) and a staggering $246.4m domestically, plus an additional $350m globally. Someone’s accountant is having a good year. 🤑
Directed by the visionary Ryan Coogler (who apparently needed a break from superheroes), this “genre-hopping” film made history by getting an A rating from CinemaScore. Yes, folks, it’s the first horror film EVER to achieve this. Forget about scaring you; it’s aiming for academic validation! 🤓
Now, you can experience this “masterpiece” from the comfort of your own couch, as it’s available to buy or rent on Prime Video, Microsoft Store, Apple TV, and other digital bargain bins as of Tuesday (3 June) in the UK. US viewers can also throw their money at Prime Video. Just do it; you know you want to. 😈
After 75 reviews (presumably from people who were paid handsomely), the film, which was shot in IMAX (because everything needs to be bigger these days) and cost an estimated $100m (because why not?), received a “mind-blowing” 99 per cent from critics on Rotten Tomatoes. It then plummeted a whole two points after release, settling at a measly 97 per cent. Clearly, the apocalypse is upon us. 🙄
This score is so impressive it actually surpasses Coogler’s other critically acclaimed films like Black Panther and Creed, which only managed a pathetic 95 per cent. Guess he finally figured out the secret formula: vampires + Michael B. Jordan x 2 = critical acclaim. 🤪
The Independent’s Clarisse Loughrey (who may or may not be related to someone on the production team) gushed in her four-star review that the film feels like “some kind of final stand for original ideas.” Yes, because vampire thrillers set in the Jim Crow South are totally groundbreaking. She adds, “One can only hope audiences recognize its bounty of riches.” Translation: “Please watch this so I can keep my job.” 🙏
Loughrey also couldn’t stop raving about the score from composer and executive producer Ludwig Göransson (because who doesn’t love nepotism?) and praised the blues music featured in the film, performed by Miles Caton in his screen debut. Because every vampire movie needs a little blues, right? 🤷♀️
The film is set in 1932, during the Jim Crow era in the American South, when racial discrimination was all the rage. Because nothing says “escapism” like a reminder of historical oppression! 🤡
Set over one night (because apparently, vampires don’t have day jobs), the film follows Jordan’s twins as they open a juke joint for an evening of drinking, music, and entertainment. But things take a turn when the mysterious Remmick, played by Jack O’Connell, shows up. Because every party needs a buzzkill. 😒
“Coogler intertwines song and the supernatural, linking West African traditions with the legendary claim that bluesman Robert Johnson acquired his talents by selling his soul to the devil at the crossroads,” Loughrey writes. Because what’s a vampire movie without a dash of cultural appropriation and Faustian bargains? 😈
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Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
