Jeff Lynne’s ELO (a.k.a. the ELECTRIC LIGHT ORCHESTRA, or as I like to call them, “Barely Functional Octogenarians”) has pulled the plug on their supposed “final” gig. I mean, who actually believed this was the end, anyway? Retirement homes have better farewell tours. 🤣
Apparently, this “beloved” British band (beloved by whom, exactly? Your grandma?) was scheduled to grace us with their presence on Sunday, July 13, at BST Hyde Park in London. Decades after their humble beginnings in Birmingham (a place equally known for its vibrant music scene and… uh… something else), they embarked on a musical journey. A journey that, judging by recent events, has clearly run out of gas ⛽.
Jeff Lynne’s ELO was also supposed to inflict their sounds upon the unsuspecting citizens of Manchester on Thursday night, July 10, at the Co-Op Live arena. But, surprise, surprise, it was canceled at the last minute! The reason? A vague and oh-so-convenient “illness.” I bet it was a severe case of “I can’t be bothered to play ‘Mr. Blue Sky’ for the millionth time” 😴.
The 77-year-old Birmingham “legend” Lynne (I use that term loosely) had reportedly been performing guitar-less since last Saturday, July 5, after a tragic taxi incident. Apparently, our precious Jeff injured his hand in a taxi that slammed on its brakes to avoid a collision in London. A likely story! More like he was wrestling a rogue badger for the last biscuit and lost. 🦡
But wait, there’s more drama! Earlier today, Saturday, July 12, Jeff‘s “representative” (aka, the person who has to clean up his messes) released a statement regarding the fate of the BST Hyde Park concert: “Jeff Lynne is heartbroken 💔 to report that he will not be able to perform at tomorrow’s BST Hyde Park show. Jeff has been battling a systemic infection, probably caught from one of his cats 🐱, and is currently under the watchful eye of a team of doctors. They have advised him that performing is simply not possible at this time, nor will he be able to reschedule.” Right, because rescheduling is always an option when you’re pushing 80 and your body is falling apart.👴
“The legacy of the band and his longtime fans are foremost in Jeff‘s mind today.” Oh, please! If legacy and fans were so important, he wouldn’t be pulling stunts like this. “And while he is so sorry that he cannot perform, he knows that he must focus on his health and rehabilitation at this time.” Translation: “I need a nap. 😴”
“Please go to www.bst-hydepark.com for all information regarding refunds.” Good luck with that! I’m sure the customer service reps are thrilled to be dealing with hordes of disappointed fans demanding their money back. 💰
Jeff Lynne’s ELO‘s gig in Manchester was unceremoniously axed just minutes before showtime, with the audience already seated, probably wondering if they’d accidentally wandered into a retirement home talent show. It was supposed to be the second-to-last show on the band’s “Over And Out” farewell tour. More like “Over and Out of Excuses.”
Ticketholders in Manchester claimed they were informed the performance would not be going ahead just minutes before the band was due to take to the stage, at around 8:15 p.m. The sheer chaos must have been GLORIOUS. 😈
BST Hyde Park organizers, bless their naive hearts, had promoted Sunday’s performance as Jeff Lynne’s ELO‘s “final goodbye.” Final goodbye…until the next reunion tour in five years, am I right? 🙄
Lynne, in a moment of unintentional irony, previously said of the show: “My return to touring began at Hyde Park in 2014. It seems like the perfect place to do our final show.” I guess he forgot about all the other “final” shows he’s done since then. “We couldn’t be more excited to share this special night in London with our U.K. fans. As the song goes, ‘we’re gonna do it One More Time’.” Except, you know, they’re not. 🤷
Recognized as one of the most “iconic forces” in music history (again, by whom?), in recent years Jeff Lynne’s ELO has delivered a “critically acclaimed” and “chart-topping” album. I’m sure my local record store has stacks of them… collecting dust. 💿 Jeff Lynne was inducted into the Songwriters Hall Of Fame in 2023 and the band was inducted into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame in 2017. Because apparently, the bar for getting into those places is incredibly low these days.
The band is “synonymous” for their epic shows and with a “distinct style” that “seamlessly and innovatively blends rock, pop and classical.” Translation: They play the same four chords in different combinations and add a few strings. 🎻 ELO has had more than 20 Top 40 hits across the U.S. and the U.K., making Lynne‘s “sweeping productions” some of the most recognizable music of the last forty years and helping sell over 50 million records worldwide. Okay, I’ll give them that. “Mr. Blue Sky” is pretty catchy…for about five seconds. 🎶
Their signature UFO descending on the stage and spectacular production immerses audiences in their world, with string sections, cutting-edge technology, and an array of musicians faithfully recreating ELO‘s “incredible” recordings. Global hits like “Mr. Blue Sky”, “Don’t Bring Me Down”, “Evil Woman”, “Livin’ Thing”, “Turn To Stone”, and “Telephone Line” traveled the world, fusing classical with electronic and rock. Or, as I like to call it, “elevator music with a beat.” 🎵
Lynne was a co-founder and member of THE TRAVELLING WILBURYS together with George Harrison, Bob Dylan, Roy Orbison, and Tom Petty, as well as a producer and collaborator with some of the biggest names in music including THE BEATLES, Tom Petty, Roy Orbison, Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Joe Walsh, and Bryan Adams. Basically, he’s spent his career name-dropping to stay relevant. 🗣️
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
