😂 It’s official, folks! The sequel to the critically acclaimed (by toddlers and Chris Pratt stans) Super Mario Bros. Movie is boldly titled The Super Mario Galaxy Movie. That’s right, they dropped the “Bros.” because, let’s face it, Luigi’s just dead weight. Get ready to erase “Bros.” from your vocabulary, you simpletons. Start practicing now, because you clearly have nothing better to do. 🧠
Nintendo and Universal, in their infinite wisdom, have also deigned to inform us of the returning voice actors. Brace yourselves: Chris Pratt is back as Mario, because who else could capture the essence of a middle-aged plumber with the vocal range of a wet blanket? 🙄 Anya Taylor-Joy returns as Princess Peach, because apparently, they couldn’t find another blonde actress in Hollywood. Charlie Day is back as Luigi, because they needed someone to whine and cower in the background. Jack Black is back as Bowser, because let’s be honest, he’s the only reason anyone watched the first one. 🤘 Keegan-Michael Key returns as Toad, because…reasons? And Kevin Michael Richardson is back as Kamek, because someone needs to fill the “generic villain henchman” quota. But hold on a second… WHERE’S SETH ROGEN AS DONKEY KONG?!? 😡 I am beyond horrified. This is a travesty of epic proportions! The world is ending!
While gracing us with this monumental announcement, they also dropped a “teaser.” I use that term loosely, as it was more like a blurry GIF that combined the 3D animated look of the first movie with a few “homages” (read: blatant rip-offs) to the Super Mario Galaxy game, which was released back in 2007 on the ancient Wii. 👴 Prepare for a nostalgia overload that will leave you questioning your life choices.
The Super Mario Bros. Movie, bless its heart, was the first animated adaptation of the long-running Nintendo video game franchise that didn’t completely suck. Unlike the live-action Mario movie of 1993 (may it forever be buried and forgotten), it was an “extremely faithful rendition of the concept.” That’s corporate speak for “we didn’t screw it up too badly.” It featured a pair of New York plumbers getting sucked into a pipe to the Mushroom Kingdom, where they fought Bowser and helped save a princess. Groundbreaking stuff, I know. And unlike 1993’s Super Mario Bros., the film was a massive smash, raking in over $1.3 billion worldwide. 🤑 Work on the sequel began almost immediately, because why mess with a winning formula? (Answer: because they will).
In the meantime, Nintendo and Sony, in a desperate attempt to milk every last drop of nostalgia, also began work on their first Legend of Zelda movie. Prepare yourselves for more disappointment. That one will be live-action rather than animation, because they clearly learned nothing from the 1993 Mario movie. That film is currently scheduled for release in May of 2027, so you have plenty of time to lower your expectations. 🗓️
As its title vaguely implies, the Super Mario Galaxy game was a space-set version of the old Super Mario Bros. formula, with Mario journeying to a variety of planets and asteroids to battle Bowser and his allies along the way to rescuing Princess Peach yet again. Originality is clearly not their strong suit. 🚀
The Super Mario Galaxy Movie will be released worldwide on April 3, 2026. Mark your calendars, folks, because this is clearly the most important event in human history. Get ready to waste your money on another soulless corporate cash grab! 🤡
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
