Well, well, well, look who finally crawled out of their basements 🙄! Epic Games, in their infinite wisdom (or lack thereof), has decided to grace us with the “Simpsons” crossover in Fortnite. Because, you know, what the world REALLY needs is more Homer Simpson flailing around with a pickaxe. 🤷♂️
So, this “much-awaited collab” (by whom, exactly? 🤔) dropped like a moldy Krusty Burger last weekend. Fortnite players (aka, the youths 👶) can now “drop into Springfield,” which I’m sure is EXACTLY like the real Springfield, except without the existential dread and crippling debt. 😂 They’re offering a new Battle Pass (because you NEED more digital garbage cluttering your screen), a cel-shaded map (because your eyes weren’t already bleeding enough from the original), and Disney+ shorts (because Disney owns EVERYTHING now, didn’t you know? 💰). This earth-shattering event is apparently lasting the whole month of November, so prepare for a MONTH of non-stop “D’oh!” spam in your lobbies. And, of course, there are “various surprises” planned, which probably means even MORE ways for Epic to milk your parents’ credit cards. 💸
This “80-player cel-shaded Springfield Island” sounds like a fever dream. They’re promising a “fast-paced, back-to-basics Battle Royale experience,” which, let’s be honest, is just marketing speak for “we ran out of ideas.” Giant donuts will descend (because diabetes), and Homer Simpson is “in charge,” which I’m sure will end well. 🙄 Players can find new Simpsons weapons in Delulu (wait, is that even a real place?). The “Welcome to Springfield” video (more like “Welcome to Corporate Synergy”) apparently showcases the “chaos and gags” you can expect. Translation: Prepare for a sensory overload of recycled jokes and blatant product placement. 🤡
They’ve slashed the player count to 80 (probably because the servers can’t handle any more). The Chapter 6 island has been “completely revamped,” which means they slapped a yellow filter on everything and called it a day. The whole map is “cel-shaded” (yay, more eye strain!) and filled with “well-known locations” like Moe’s Tavern (where you can’t actually buy beer, because kids), the Qwik-E-Mart (where you CAN buy overpriced V-Bucks), and the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant (where hopefully, you won’t find any three-eyed fish). Apparently, players will “literally feel like they are immersed in Springfield!” Or, you know, just playing a video game with a cartoon skin. 🤷♀️
As for the Springfield Battle Pass, it includes “Outfits” (because that’s all anyone cares about), including Homer (finally, a skin that accurately reflects my physique), Marge (with her iconic blue hair that probably violates some copyright law), Flanders (who will probably get you banned for being too wholesome), Blinky Fishstick (because why not?), and Springfielder Peely (oh god no). Each skin has “alternate styles,” because one version of Homer wasn’t enough to haunt your nightmares. And, get this, there’s even a “Sidekick” called Peels. Because everyone needs a sentient banana to follow them around. This “exclusive Sidekick” will be available until November 7th, at which point they’ll probably release a limited edition Krusty the Clown sidekick for 2000 V-Bucks. 🤡 While it’s “smaller than a normal battle pass,” (because they’re getting lazy), it still costs 1,000 V-Bucks, because Epic Games loves your money more than Homer loves donuts.🍩
And because Epic is feeling generous (or maybe just trying to distract you from their predatory monetization schemes), they’re throwing in some “free” items. The Kang and Kodos glider is the new reward for linking your Epic Games and MyDisney accounts, which is basically selling your soul for a digital umbrella. If you’re already connected (like the obedient consumer you are), you’ll automatically receive the glider. There’s also a “wrap” (because who doesn’t love wrapping their weapons in Simpsons-themed wallpaper?), which was a Twitch drop (because everyone loves watching other people play video games instead of playing them themselves). Lastly, logging in during the launch weekend will grant you the Fuel Rod and Tongs pickaxe, because nothing says “family-friendly fun” like nuclear waste.☢️ They even have a free umbrella glider, the Safety Inspector ‘Brella, which players can earn by winning a round of Battle Royale during The Simpsons season. As if winning in this game wasn’t hard enough… 😒
Each week of The Simpsons season will add a new short Simpsons episode related to the game’s ongoing storyline. In this masterpiece of narrative brilliance, Homer finds a piece of the Zero Point and uses it in very irresponsible ways, such as attaching it to his remote control. Because nothing is sacred anymore. 🙏 Further shorts will drop on November 10, November 17, and November 24, ensuring that your brain will be sufficiently numbed by the end of the month. You can watch them on the Fortnite official YouTube channel (where they’re raking in the ad revenue) or on Disney+ (because they own EVERYTHING). So there you have it, folks. The Simpsons have invaded Fortnite. Prepare for the end times. 😭
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
