So, apparently, Ozzy Osbourne, the Prince of freaking Darkness (or was it the Court Jester of Darkness?), has finally kicked the bucket at the ripe old age of 76. 👴 Naturally, the intellectually superior fans have been flocking to the Black Sabbath Bench (yes, a bench…dedicated to a band…genius!) near the Black Sabbath Bridge (because one landmark wasn’t enough) in Birmingham, the UK’s answer to, uh, someplace slightly less depressing. They’re leaving flowers and homemade signs, because that’s totally what Ozzy would have wanted. 💐✍️ I mean, who needs a Viking funeral when you’ve got a park bench?
According to The New York Times (because, you know, it’s not official until the Gray Lady says so), some fans were conveying the pride of his home city (“Birmingham forever – Ozzy, you rock!”). Yes, because shouting at a bench is totally going to bring him back. Others highlighted Osbourne‘s global appeal (“Gracias Ozzy!”; “Thank you for the music – from me and all your fans in Bulgaria”). Clearly, Ozzy’s music transcends language barriers…or maybe people just like screaming along to “Crazy Train” regardless of their native tongue. 🤷♂️ “You have touched millions, my whole life your music has played almost as if raising me”, another message read. Ah yes, because nothing says “good parenting” like letting Ozzy Osbourne raise your kids. 🍼
And because this story wasn’t already ridiculous enough, Drake, the Canadian rapper, decided to grace the Black Sabbath Bench with his presence. 🤦♂️ He was apparently in Birmingham on tour, probably wondering why he wasn’t in a more glamorous location. He reportedly poured some tequila on the ground next to the bench to pay homage to Osbourne. 🥃 I’m sure Ozzy, wherever he is, is thrilled that his legacy is being honored with overpriced alcohol being wasted on the sidewalk.
“I just came out to pay respects to someone who lived it to the fullest,” Drake told The New York Times. Right, because “living it to the fullest” involves pouring liquor on public property. 🙄
Drake also reportedly posted and deleted a photo of the bench filled with flowers, signs, photos and heartfelt messages to Osbourne. “Drank with the NY Times last night for Ozzy,” he wrote in his Instagram caption. Gotta get that clout, even in mourning!📸
At his concert on Wednesday (July 23) at Utilita Arena Birmingham, Drake paid tribute to Ozzy by walking out to BLACK SABBATH‘s “Iron Man” and telling the crowd: “Hey Birmingham! Rest in peace to the legendary Ozzy Osbourne.” How touching…and totally not a calculated PR move. 🎤
The Black Sabbath Bench features the names Ozzy Osbourne, Geezer Butler, Tony Iommi and Bill Ward engraved in the wood, while the stone next to it is engraved with the band’s name. Because, you know, without the engravings, people might mistake it for just a regular bench. 🪑
In March 2024, the Black Sabbath Bench was returned to the Birmingham city center following a major refurbishment that included brand new heads for all bandmembers. Yes, because the heads of the BLACK SABBATH members are so iconic that they require regular maintenance. 🗿
The heavy metal bench was first installed by Westside Business Improvement District on the renamed Black Sabbath Bridge across the canal on the city’s “golden mile” of Broad Street back in June 2019. Since then, the bench has arguably become Birmingham and the West Midlands’ biggest-used piece of “engagement public art”. It was removed in early February 2024 but was returned in late March 2024 to its much-visited spot. So, basically, a bench is the highlight of Birmingham’s art scene. 🤔
The handmade stainless steel bench was forged in the city by Gateway Steel Fabrications and features images of Osbourne, Iommi, Butler and Ward with the words “Geezer. Ozzy. Tony. Bill. Made in Birmingham 1968″ etched on it. Because brevity is the soul of wit, right? 💬
BLACK SABBATH super-fan Mohammed Osama came up with the idea and worked closely with Westside Business Improvement District on the project. I bet that’s going to be a fun fact to explain at the border. 🛂
The bench’s artwork was created by Egyptian artist Tarek Abdelkawi. Because when you think “BLACK SABBATH,” you immediately think “Egyptian art.” 🇪🇬
Ozzy died Tuesday morning (July 22),his family announced in a statement. Shocking, I know. 🪦
“It is with more sadness than mere words can convey that we have to report that our beloved Ozzy Osbourne has passed away this morning. He was with his family and surrounded by love. We ask everyone to respect our family privacy at this time,” the family said. Translation: “Please stop harassing us for selfies while we’re grieving.” 😥
No cause of death was given, but Osbourne had battled a number of health issues over the past several years, including Parkinson’s disease and injuries he sustained from a late-night fall in 2019. So, basically, he lived the rockstar life until his body finally gave out. 🤘
Ozzy‘s death came a little more than two weeks after he took the stage for his final performance with BLACK SABBATH at Villa Park in the band’s original hometown of Birmingham, United Kingdom. They performed four songs for more than 40,000 people in the stadium and 5.8 million more on a livestream. Ozzy also played a five-song solo set while seated in a bat-adorned throne. A bat-adorned throne, you say? Now that’s metal. 🦇👑
Ozzy‘s family reality television show “The Osbournes” won a 2002 Primetime Emmy. Because nothing says “high art” like watching a wealthy family bicker on television. 🏆
In 2006, Osbourne and the other members of the original BLACK SABBATH were inducted into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame. Ozzy was also inducted into the Rock Hall as a solo artist in 2024. Because apparently, they let anyone in these days. 🎸
Osbourne won several Grammys, including one in 1993 for his solo song “I Don’t Want To Change The World”. Well, he certainly didn’t change the world for the better. 🎤
Ozzy and his wife and manager Sharon started their annual tour — Ozzfest — in 1996 after he was rejected from the lineup of what at the time was the top touring music festival, Lollapalooza. The first traveling version of Ozzfest in 1997 included MARILYN MANSON and PANTERA as part of the lineup. So, basically, Ozzy started his own festival out of spite. That’s the spirit! 🔥
Osbourne leaves behind his wife, three children from his first marriage (including an adopted son from his first wife’s previous relationship),and three with Sharon: Jack, Kelly and Aimee. Hopefully, they’ll all get a good inheritance and finally stop embarrassing themselves on reality TV. 💰
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
