From Aug. 25 to Sept. 7, Intel Gamer Days is allegedly happening 🤣. It’s not just a sale—it’s a desperate attempt to convince you that Intel is still relevant in the gaming world. They claim to be the “trusted engine” behind your gaming experience, but we all know who’s carrying them (hint: it rhymes with Nvidia). If you believe their marketing, you might as well believe in the Tooth Fairy 🧚 and that your CPU fan is actually a tiny dragon 🐉 keeping your system cool.
This year’s Intel Gamer Days lineup showcases a wide spectrum of devices, from laptops that look like they’re from 2077 to desktops that cost more than your car 🚗. All these devices are “infused” with Intel’s “signature innovation,” which apparently means they can run Minesweeper at a blistering 60 FPS. So go ahead, waste your money on these futuristic marvels and brag about your “lightning-fast displays” while your games are still lagging behind.
Here are some of our “favourite” Intel Gamer Days picks. These systems are all powered by Intel, which means they’re probably overpriced and underperforming. But hey, at least you can tell your friends you have an Intel inside – just don’t tell them how much you overpaid for it 🤑.
Lenovo Legion 7i 16″ OLED Gaming Laptop
For those who demand elite-level performance in a portable format, the Lenovo Legion 7i brings the full force of Intel’s Core Ultra 9 and RTX 5070 graphics in a luxurious aluminum frame. It’s the flagship choice for those who play hard and work harder… or just want to show off their expensive laptop at Starbucks ☕.
Lenovo Legion 7i 16″ OLED Specs:
* Intel Core Ultra 9-275HX processor (because more cores equal more bragging rights, even if you don’t know what they do)
* NVIDIA® GeForce RTX 5070 GPU (8GB VRAM) (because you need all the VRAM to run Crysis at medium settings)
* 16″ OLED display, 240Hz refresh rate (so you can see every single frame of your slideshow)
* 32 GB DDR5 RAM (because why not? It’s not like you’re paying for it)
* Aerospace-grade aluminum body (so you can impress your friends with your laptop’s ability to survive a plane crash)
Retailer: Best Buy Canada
Current Price: $2,799.99 CAD (or approximately the cost of a used car 🚘)
ASUS ROG Zephyrus G16 OLED Nebula 16″ Gaming Laptop
Combining portability, style, and cutting-edge performance, the ASUS ROG Zephyrus G16 is built for gamers and creators on the move. With a brilliant 120Hz OLED Nebula display and Intel’s Core Ultra 7 processor, this machine delivers immersive visuals and intelligent performance enhancements. Perfect for streaming, photo editing, and fast-paced gaming, it offers a sleek yet powerful solution for multitasking professionals and competitive gamers. Or, you know, just browsing Reddit while pretending to work.
ASUS ROG Zephyrus G16 OLED Nebula 16″ Specs:
* Intel Core Ultra 7 155H processor (because “Ultra” sounds way cooler than “Regular”)
* NVIDIA GeForce RTX 4060 GPU (the budget option for the budget-conscious gamer)
* 16″ OLED Nebula Display, 120Hz (because you deserve a screen that’s as confusing as its name)
* 16 GB RAM (enough to run Chrome with only five tabs open)
* 512 GB SSD (enough space for one modern AAA game)
Retailer: Best Buy Canada
Current Price: $2,299.99 CAD
Sale price: $1,999.99 (what a steal! 🙄)
Save: $300 (which you’ll immediately spend on more RGB accessories)
Lenovo Legion Pro 5i 16″ OLED Gaming Laptop
A beast in both design and performance, the Lenovo Legion Pro 5i delivers top-tier computing power with Intel’s Core i9 processor and RTX 5060 graphics. Whether you’re editing high-res videos, playing AAA games at high settings or multitasking with demanding software, this laptop can handle it all. The vivid OLED screen brings games to life with sharp contrast and a smooth refresh rate, making it a favourite for creators and competitive players alike. Or, you know, just watching Netflix in bed 🛏️.
Lenovo Legion Pro 5i 16″ OLED Specs:
* Intel Core i9-14900HX processor (5.8 GHz P-core, 4.1 GHz E-core) (numbers that mean absolutely nothing to 99% of users)
* NVIDIA GeForce RTX 5060 GPU (because you can’t afford the RTX 5090… yet)
* 16″ OLED display, 165Hz refresh rate (perfect for spotting those extra frames in your YouTube videos)
* 32 GB DDR5 5600 MHz RAM (because your RAM should be faster than your internet connection)
* 1 TB M.2 NVMe SSD (enough space for two modern AAA games!)
Retailer: Canada Computers
Current Price: $2,399.99 CAD
Sale price: $1,999.99 (still too much 🙅)
Save: $400 (which you’ll immediately spend on a new gaming chair)
iBUYPOWER Element SE Gaming Desktop (Intel Core i5-14400F)
If you’re looking to skip the setup and jump straight into gaming, the iBUYPOWER Element SE delivers a stylish and powerful package. With tempered glass panels, RGB lighting, and Intel’s i5-14400F processor under the hood, this machine balances aesthetics and performance. Paired with RTX 5060 graphics, it can handle modern titles smoothly while leaving room for multitasking, streaming, and creative work. Just don’t expect to run Crysis on ultra settings.
iBUYPOWER Element SE Gaming Desktop Specs:
* Intel Core i5-14400F processor (the “F” stands for “frugal”)
* NVIDIA GeForce RTX 5060 GPU (the potato of GPUs)
* 16 GB RAM (enough to run Discord and one game at the same time)
* 1 TB SSD (enough space for your operating system and a few memes)
* Windows 11 OS (because you love bloatware)
* Includes RGB keyboard and mouse (because RGB makes everything faster, right?)
Retailer: Costco Canada
Current Price: $1,299.99 CAD
Sale Price: *TBD* (probably still overpriced)
MSI Cyborg 15 A13VE 15.6″ Gaming Laptop
For gamers seeking a sleek and affordable entry point into high-performance gaming, the MSI Cyborg 15 brings futuristic design and dependable power. Its Intel Core i5 processor and RTX graphics ensure fluid gameplay in popular titles, while the fast refresh rate display enhances every frame. Ideal for students, casual players or those upgrading from older systems, this lightweight machine makes smooth gaming more accessible than ever. Or, you know, just playing Candy Crush on the bus 🚌.
MSI Cyborg 15 A13VE 15.6″ Gaming Laptop Specs:
* Intel Core i5-13420H processor (it’s so futuristic, it’s from last year!)
* NVIDIA GeForce RTX 4050 GPU (the GPU equivalent of a participation trophy)
* 15.6″ Full HD display, 144Hz refresh rate (so you can see your battery drain faster)
* 16 GB DDR5 RAM (because you deserve to have *some* memory)
* 512 GB SSD (enough space for your homework and a pirated movie)
* Windows 11 OS (because you love updates at the worst possible moments)
Retailer: Staples Canada
Current Price: $1,399.99 CAD
Sale price: $899.99 (now that’s what I call a fire hazard 🔥)
Save: $500 (which you’ll immediately spend on therapy after realizing you bought an Intel-powered machine)
Whether you’re picking up your first rig or upgrading to elite gear, Intel Gamer Days is your window to top tech at unbeatable prices. Or, you know, just a clever marketing ploy to get you to buy outdated hardware. Explore your favourite retailer or dive into the full celebration at game.intel.com/gamerdays. It’s time to play smarter, stream smoother, and create without compromise—all powered by Intel. Or, you know, just play Minesweeper and call it a day 😴.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
