OMG 😱! Are you serious?! Another Mummy movie? Starring BRENDAN FRASER 👴 and RACHEL WEISZ 👵?! It’s like Universal Pictures is allergic to new ideas 🤧. I can’t wait for this Anck-Su-Namun-derful movie!
So, get this, Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz, fresh from their retirement homes 🧓👵, are “in talks” to reprise their roles as Rick and Evie O’Connell. “In talks,” which probably means their agents are desperately trying to get them some work so they can afford their dentures. Bless their hearts! ❤️
And who’s directing this cinematic masterpiece? Why, it’s Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett, aka Radio Silence 🤫, the geniuses behind… wait for it… Ready or Not. Yeah, that’s gonna save this franchise from the sarcophagus. These guys are known for resurrecting dead franchises… like Scream. I mean, who asked for more Scream movies? Seriously? 🔪
Oh, but here’s the kicker: Apparently, this new Mummy movie is a “proper sequel” that will “disregard” the events of The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. As if we needed more proof that that movie was a cinematic dumpster fire 🔥. Maria Bello tried her best, but let’s be real, she’s no Rachel Weisz. And let’s not even talk about that whole “Terracotta Army” nonsense. 🐉 What were they smoking?
Speaking of dumpster fires, let’s not forget Universal’s attempt to launch the Dark Universe with Tom Cruise’s Mummy. That movie was so bad, it single-handedly killed an entire franchise before it even began 💀. Tom Cruise running around in bandages? No thanks, I’d rather watch a cat video. 😹
Brendan Fraser says the Tom Cruise Mummy lacked “fun.” Dude, your third Mummy movie lacked “fun,” too. Just saying. Maybe stick to being charming in smaller roles and let the past stay buried, am I right? 🤷♀️
But wait, there’s more! Another Mummy reboot is coming in 2026, this time from the director of Evil Dead Rise, and produced by Jason Blum and James Wan. So, it’s going to be a “dark supernatural horror film.” Because that’s exactly what the world needs: another dark and gritty reboot of a beloved franchise 🙄. I’m sure this one will be totally different and not at all a cynical attempt to cash in on nostalgia. 💰
Honestly, can’t Hollywood come up with anything original anymore? Or are they just going to keep regurgitating the same old Mummy movies until the end of time? 😩 Someone please send help! Or at least a decent script. 🙏
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
