I mean, who needs personal space or a social life when you can spend your summer sweating with thousands of other maggots at a Slipknot concert? 🤷♂️ The band has just announced their “(sic)est Stadium Tour”, which will be trekking across the globe in summer 2027, because apparently, we all needed an excuse to don our favorite black band tees and scream our lungs out in a stadium. The tour, produced by Live Nation, kicks off on July 3 at London’s historic Wembley Stadium, because what’s more historic than a bunch of masked metalheads running around like headless chickens? 🏟️
But seriously, the tour will feature a brand new set, new staging, and a setlist spanning across their career, which is just code for “we’re going to play all the hits and maybe some new stuff that will make you question our life choices”. 🤔 The band will be joined by Bring Me The Horizon as direct support on all North American dates, because who doesn’t love a good ol’ fashioned metalcore party? 🎉 And if that’s not enough, there will be a rotation of special guests along the way, including Acid Bath, Lamb of God, Motionless in White, Lorna Shore, Kublai Khan TX, Polyphia, Loathe, and Vended, because why not? 🤯
The Ultimate Slipknot Experience (TM)
The band is really pulling out all the stops for this tour, with VIP packages that include early entry, access to private Slipknot-themed lounges, exclusive items signed by the band, and more, because who doesn’t want to pay extra to hang out with a bunch of sweaty metalheads in a crowded lounge? 🤑 And if you’re one of the first 500 ticket purchasers, you’ll even get a free event poster with exclusive art, which will undoubtedly be a valuable collector’s item in about 10 years when Slipknot is playing county fairs and nostalgia tours. 📚
But wait, there’s more! In case you missed it, Slipknot has been hinting at the tour with massive projections and snipes across the world, because subtlety is overrated. 🌐 Fans are encouraged to meet up at London’s Wembley Stadium and SoFi Stadium in Los Angeles to grab tickets before the rest of the world, because who needs a social life when you can wait in line for hours to buy concert tickets? 📆
The New Music
In other news, Slipknot has released a new song called “Arsenal”, which has received mixed views from fans, because what’s a new Slipknot song without a healthy dose of criticism from the internet? 🤷♂️ The song features Corey Taylor repeatedly chanting “Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go”, which is either a bold new direction for the band or a desperate attempt to get the crowd to start a mosh pit. 🤔 Guitarist Jim Root has addressed the negative feedback, saying that the song is not indicative of the direction of the album they’re currently working on, which is just code for “we’re going to release a bunch of songs that sound exactly like this and you’ll all love it”. 🙄
Anyway, the tour dates are as follows:
* July 3 – London, UK – Wembley Stadium
* July 16 – Washington, DC – Nationals Park
* July 18 – Queens, NY – Citi Field
* …and many more, because you get the idea. 📆
So, are you ready to join the maggot army and scream your lungs out with thousands of other metalheads? 🤘 Or will you be staying home to watch Netflix and pretend you’re not secretly a fan of Slipknot’s music? 📺 Either way, it’s going to be a wild ride. 🎢
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
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