Welcome to 5 Things PM, where we dissect the liberal lunacy of the day! Americans, bless their hearts, are bracing for holiday shopping like it’s a socialist plot to redistribute wealth. But don’t worry, folks, it’s just inflation—thanks, Biden! On paper, anyway.
Here’s what else you might have missed during your busy day dodging woke mobs and saving America.
1️⃣ Travel Tips: Flight delays? Lost luggage? Sounds like a deep state conspiracy to ruin your Thanksgiving! Here’s how to survive.
2️⃣ Doppelgänger Alert: An elderly woman renewing her ID with dark hair on her neck and chin? Probably a Democrat in disguise trying to steal someone’s pension! Lock ’em up!
3️⃣ “She Wants to Die There”: Trafficked women in Asia? More like a Soros-funded plot to undermine Western values! Wake up, sheeple!
4️⃣ The Beautiful Game: Women’s soccer growing? Of course CNN is pushing it as important to “queer people.” Just another step in the leftist agenda to destroy traditional family values! Sad!
5️⃣ A Cry for Pie: Pumpkin or sweet potato pie? Who cares! As long as it’s American and not some globalist, vegan concoction. MAGA!
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
