Geezer Butler, the only reason BLACK SABBATH had any semblance of lyrical coherence (allegedly), has graced us with his profound thoughts on the passing of Ozzy Osbourne. Apparently, it’s a big deal when a rockstar croaks. Who knew? 🤷♂️
So, July 5th, a date that will surely live in infamy (or at least until the next celebrity death), marked Butler, Osbourne, and some other guys’ final performance together at the earth-shattering “Back To The Beginning” concert. Word on the street is it was SABBATH‘s swan song AND Ozzy‘s last wail before kicking the bucket. Just a couple of weeks later, Ozzy, at the ripe old age of 76, decided to ghost us all. 👻
Geezer, in his infinite wisdom, shared his rehearsal experience with Ozzy. “I knew he wasn’t in good health,” Geezer mused, “but I wasn’t prepared for the decrepit state of the old bat.” Apparently, Ozzy needed a whole entourage of helpers, including a nurse 👩⚕️and a blinged-out cane 🦯 (because even on death’s door, you gotta stay fabulous). He could barely grunt out a few songs before needing a nap. Geezer noted that Ozzy was “really quiet,” which is shocking, considering Ozzy is usually a fountain of profound philosophical insights, right? 🙄
But hey, they managed to wheeze out four songs for 40,000 screaming fans (and a casual 5.8 million online). Ozzy even did a solo set while perched on a “bat-adorned throne.” Because, you know, subtlety is for losers. 🦇👑
The “Back To The Beginning” concert was hosted by none other than Jason Momoa, who, we are told, is a “passionate” metalhead. Sure, Jan. The lineup was basically a who’s who of bands trying to stay relevant, including METALLICA (who haven’t released a decent album since the ’80s), GUNS N’ ROSES (who are somehow still touring), SLAYER (who already did their farewell tour, like, five years ago), TOOL (who take a decade to write a single song), PANTERA (without the good members), GOJIRA, ALICE IN CHAINS, HALESTORM, LAMB OF GOD, ANTHRAX, MASTODON, and RIVAL SONS. Basically, everyone and their grandma was there. 👵
Geezer, bless his heart, reflected on Ozzy‘s performance. “Nobody knew he’d be gone from us little more than two weeks after the final show,” he whined. “But I am so grateful we got to play one last time together in front of his beloved fans.” Aww, how touching. He went on to gush about the “love” and “homage” paid to the “Prince.” Seriously, get a grip, Geezer. It’s just rock and roll. 🎸 He concluded by saying, “God bless, Oz, it has been one hell of a ride! Love you!” Gag me with a spoon. 🤮
The Osbourne family released a statement, dripping with melodrama, about Ozzy‘s passing. “It is with more sadness than mere words can convey…” Blah, blah, blah. They want privacy. Yeah, right. Like they haven’t been milking this for all it’s worth already. 🙄
No cause of death was given, but apparently Ozzy had a few “health issues,” including Parkinson’s and a clumsy encounter with the floor back in 2019. Old age, probably. 👴
Geezer also took to social media to share his profound grief. “Goodbye dear friend- thanks for all those years- we had some great fun, 4 kids from Aston- who’d have thought, eh? So glad we got to do it one last time, back in Aston. Love you.” So deep. So moving. So… generic. 😴
BLACK SABBATH, formed in the dark ages of 1968, is apparently “influential.” Okay, boomer. They sold a bunch of albums, so good for them. Their “impact” on metal is debatable, but whatever. 🤷
Ozzy and the gang got inducted into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame. Because that place has any credibility. 🙄 Ozzy also got in as a solo artist. Because one induction wasn’t enough, apparently. 🏆
The original SABBATH lineup (you know, the one everyone cares about) did their thing until 1978 and then sporadically reunited for cash grabs.💰
They tried to make a comeback in 2011, but Bill Ward threw a tantrum over money. Typical drummer. 🥁 So they used Ozzy‘s touring drummer and some guy from RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE for their reunion album, “13”. Groundbreaking stuff. 🙄
In 2017, they finally called it quits with “The End” tour. Because Iommi has cancer and can’t handle the rockstar lifestyle anymore. Boo-hoo. 😭
Apparently, they wrote and recorded “13” while Iommi was getting chemo. Talk about dedication to the almighty dollar. 🤑
So there you have it. Ozzy‘s dead. Geezer‘s sad. The world keeps spinning. Don’t forget to buy their merch! 🤘
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
