Move over, history books and science textbooks—there’s a new educational powerhouse in town, and it’s screaming at you in double-blast-beat German about Satan, death, and the downfall of Western civilization. That’s right, folks—D.X. Ferris has blessed our eardrums and patience with an audiobook version of his *definitive* (his words, not ours) Slayer biography, *“Slayer 66 2/3: A Metal Band Biography… Or, How F*kin’ Slayer Kicked F*kin’ @ss.”* Yes, that title is real. Yes, it’s 36.5 hours long. And yes, you will listen to it in its entirety while pretending to work from home, nodding your head like a meth-fueled woodpecker. Available exclusively on Bandcamp for the 2025 holiday season, because nothing says “festive cheer” like a 639-page oral history of thrash metal’s most chaotic uncles. 🎄🎧😈
Now, before you start complaining that your Spotify algorithm already thinks you’re a basement-dwelling demon worshipper because of that one *Ghost* phase you went through in 2013, let us clarify: this isn’t just a book. It’s a *cultural artifact*. A *testament*. A *sonic monument* built from equal parts guitar solos, drummer Dave Lombardo’s inhuman limb coordination, and the sweet, sweet sound of Kerry King yelling about serial killers like he’s your uncle at Thanksgiving explaining the plot of *Saw VI*.
Ferris—who somehow won “Best Reporter of the Year” from the Ohio Society of Professional Journalists (congrats, buddy, we’re sure the investigative piece on municipal potholes was *fierce*)—has not only updated the book for Slayer’s *shocking* reunion (spoiler: they got back together after swearing they wouldn’t, just like your parents after their third divorce), but he also *read the whole damn thing himself*. That’s 36.5 hours of one man’s unwavering commitment to documenting how a bunch of long-haired Californians traumatized parents and inspired millions. For context, that’s longer than the average human pregnancy. You could gestate a baby, teach it to walk, and have it learn “Raining Blood” on piano before the audiobook even finishes. 🍼🥁🩸
And let’s talk about those *bonus chapters*, shall we? That’s right—12 extra chapters not in the paperback, including three that chronicle Slayer’s 2025 reunion season, which culminated in a festival at Hersheypark, Pennsylvania. Because nothing says “apocalyptic metalocalypse” like headlining a concert next to a roller coaster named after chocolate. Supporting acts included EXODUS, CAVALERA CONSPIRACY, POWER TRIP, SUICIDAL TENDENCIES, and KNOCKED LOOSE—because apparently, the organizers wanted to see how many genres they could violently stitch together before the crowd collapsed from exhaustion. It was like a musical version of *Frankenstein*, but with more mosh pits. 🍫⚡🧟♂️
Ferris, ever the humble scholar, insists the book is “still current” and compares the bonus chapters to “European B-sides.” Ah yes, because when I think of musical deep cuts, I immediately think of a band that once played “Angel of Death” live while a guy in the audience set his friend’s hair on fire. Pure art. 🎨🔥
Now, let’s address the elephant in the room: this book used to be called *“Slayer 66 2/3: The Jeff & Dave Years”* when it first came out in 2013, right after Jeff Hanneman’s tragic death (RIP to a legend who probably would’ve hated this audiobook because “too much talking”). But now, thanks to the *shocking* return of Slayer (despite multiple emphatic “final tour” announcements that lasted less time than a TikTok trend), Ferris has expanded it to *biblical* proportions. The third edition was a mere 350 pages. The fourth? 639 pages. That’s not a book—it’s a doorstop. A weapon. A paperweight for demons. And with 795 endnotes, it’s got more citations than your ex’s thesis on why they were “technically” right in the argument. 📚⚔️
Ferris even interviewed *real people*, like Gary Holt (who’s been filling in for Hanneman since 2011 like a musical superhero with a permanent sublet), record store owner Michael Schutzman (who apparently hosted early East Coast in-stores, which sounds like a war crime), and Mellow Man Ace, who dropped knowledge about the racially charged Los Angeles neighborhoods that birthed both Slayer and Cypress Hill. So it’s not *all* about blast beats and body bags—there’s *context*. Imagine that. 🧠🌍
And the research! Oh, the research! We’ve got *exhaustive archival digging*, *new statistics*, *original fan surveys*, and a *metrics-based contrast* of the Big Four thrash bands (Metallica, Megadeth, Anthrax, and… wait, which one was the fourth again?). It’s like *Moneyball*, but with more leather and less comprehension of basic social cues. There’s even a running feature called “The Rick Rubin Watch,” which tracks key moments with the band’s producer, who’s apparently worked with 10% of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees. So, you know, *no big deal*. Just a guy who casually produced *everything ever*. 😎🎧
Ferris, a Pittsburgh native who’s written for *Rolling Stone*, *Decibel*, and *Alternative Press*, insists he’s “just a fan.” But let’s be real—this level of detail isn’t fandom. This is *obsession*. This is the guy who corrects you when you say “N.W.O.B.H.M.” at a party. This is the man who probably has a spreadsheet ranking every Slayer guitar solo by “satanic energy output.” And yet, he claims this version is “more conversational.” Sure, Jan. If by “conversational” you mean “a 36-hour lecture with occasional guitar squeals.” 📊😈
Oh, and fun fact: Ferris conducted *three fan surveys* to show what “other people think on a larger scale.” And yet, somehow, he still maintains that *Undisputed Attitude* contains “some high points of Western culture.” Buddy, that album is a punk covers record with a song called “Guilty of Being White.” That’s not Western culture—that’s a deep-cut B-side from a band who thought political correctness was a myth invented by the weak. But hey, to each their own. 🤷♂️🎵
The book comes in *five formats*, because apparently one audiobook wasn’t enough. You can get the 6×9” Uncut version, the Oversize coffee table 8.5×11” version (perfect for intimidating guests), an abridged “Long Story Short… and Cheaper” version (for those with attention spans shorter than a Napalm Death song), a (mostly) color ebook, and now *two versions* of the expanded audio edition. Because nothing says “I’m a true fan” like owning the same book in six different forms. 📖📦🎧
And let’s not forget the *photos*. We’ve got shots by photographers like Harald Oimen (co-author of *Murder In The Front Row*), former Def Jam staffer Tom Tronckoe, and Cameron Edney. So it’s not just words—there are *images* of men with spiky hair and inverted crosses, frozen in time like a National Geographic spread on “The Last of the Thrashers.” 📸🖤
The audiobook started as part of Ferris’s podcast, *“Talkin’ Slayer: A Metal Podcast And Half-@Assed Audiobook,”* which is honestly a mood. Every episode, he reads from the book, drops exclusive essays, answers fan questions, or updates the news. It was all going smoothly until *plot twist*: Slayer reunited. And just like that, Ferris had to go full Michael Myers and come back from the dead with more content. Because when life gives you lemons, you don’t make lemonade—you write 12 more chapters and a 10-page index. 🍋🔪
For those keeping score at home: Slayer formed in 1981, won two Grammys (probably by accident), announced a “final world tour” in 2018, played their “final” show in 2019, and then—surprise!—came back in 2024 for a “limited number of festival appearances.” Which somehow turned into *2025 concerts*, which somehow turned into *2026 concerts*. At this point, their retirement announcements are less reliable than a weather app in a tornado. 🌪️📅
And yet, Ferris *persevered*. He rewrote, revised, rearranged, and remastered the entire book. The new version is longer, but somehow *easier to read*, with shorter sentences that are “like S.O.D. riffs.” Which is to say: fast, aggressive, and over before you realize you’ve been headbanging for 45 minutes in a public library. 🤘📚
Even fellow Slayer biographer Joel McIver (author of *The Bloody Reign Of Slayer*) had to throw down, calling Ferris’s book “probably the most metal book ever written” and “there will never be a better Slayer book than this.” And coming from a guy who literally wrote a book about Slayer, that’s like getting a compliment from a vegan at a steakhouse. 🥩🥗
So whether you’re a die-hard Slayer fan, a thrash metal historian, or just someone who wants to confuse their Alexa for 36.5 hours, this audiobook is for you. Because in the end, as Ferris so eloquently puts it: *“It is Slayer’s world. Still. And we’re living in it.”* And honestly? I’m not mad about it. 🌍🎧😈
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
