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Heaven Unveils Special VIP Lounge For People Who Went To Wednesday Night Church
HEAVEN — Representatives from the Pearly Gates have unveiled a special, exclusive VIP lounge for faithful believers who took the…
Trump Calmly Reminds Nation That Desire The Root Of All Suffering
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Seeking to reassure the public after his latest tariffs sent both U.S. and international markets into free fall,…
Cory Booker Sets Record For Longest Fingernails On Senate Floor
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Giving Democrats a sense of hope for the first time in months, Sen. Cory Booker (D-NJ) reportedly set…
Man Still Not Sure Whether Mumford & Sons Actually Existed Or He Just Imagined It
SALINA, KS — Local man Jared Halderman reportedly went through a period of confused bewilderment after realizing he was unsure…
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Editorial
Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!
Welcome to Jackal.Today, the pinnacle of advertising power where your brand’s dreams come true. Forget the rest—our advertising department is…
