🚨 BREAKING: BILLY IDOL HASN’T DIED YET, SO THEY’RE MAKING A MOVIE ABOUT IT 🚨
Evan Saxon Productions (who definitely didn’t name themselves after a Bond villain) just dropped a cool million for the theatrical rights to “Billy Idol Should Be Dead” – a documentary so edgy it probably needs a tetanus shot. 🎬
Directed by Jonas Åkerlund (the guy who made Madonna do weird things in music videos), this cinematic masterpiece asks the burning question: “How is this dude from the ’80s still alive AND selling out arenas?” The answer involves cocaine, pure spite, and the fact that death itself is probably afraid of his peroxide hair. 💀
The film promises “never-before-seen archival footage” which is industry speak for “we found some VHS tapes in a storage unit in Burbank.” Through interviews with Idol, his family, and people who remember what the ’80s were like (most of them are lying), the documentary will trace his journey from “Baby Face” punk to “Mony Mony” maniac to… whatever the hell he is now. 🤘
Fresh off its Tribeca debut (where hipsters pretended to know who he was), this cinematic event will hit theaters in early 2026 – perfect for boomers who refuse to get streaming services. 📽️
But wait! There’s more! 🎵
The film features an ORIGINAL SONG called “Dying To Live” that’s somehow on the Oscar shortlist. Yes, the same Academy that gives trophies to Marvel movies might give one to Billy Idol in 2026. The track was written by Idol, Oscar nominee J. Ralph, and a small army of collaborators who probably needed emotional support animals during the recording process.
Billboard says it’s a contender. The Hollywood Reporter praised Idol’s “warm vocal delivery” which is a polite way of saying “he didn’t crack a hip recording this.” It’s also nominated for awards at HMMA, which I’m sure is very prestigious and not just something they made up. 🏆
Meanwhile, Billy’s new album “Dream Into It” (title provided by a Magic 8-Ball) dropped on Dark Horse Records and somehow hit #7 in the US. It features Avril Lavigne (is she still a thing?), Joan Jett (forever), and Alison Mosshart from The Kills. The whole thing was produced by Tommy English, who has worked with Blink-182, proving that pop-punk never dies, it just gets mortgage payments. 🎸
He’s also on tour called “It’s a Nice Day To…Tour Again!” because punctuation is for sellouts. The shows sold out across three continents because apparently everyone wants to see a 68-year-old man in leather pants scream “Eyes Without a Face” while their knees scream back. 👴
Billy Idol has been “not dead” for 46 years, which is longer than most modern artists’ entire careers. He was in Generation X (the band, not the generation that eats avocado toast), then went solo in 1982 and somehow convinced the world that “White Wedding” was a legitimate wedding song. He’s been touring with Steve Stevens since before TikTok was a Chinese fever dream. 🤯
Evan Saxon Productions, which definitely doesn’t sound like a company that would steal your identity, specializes in “Event Cinema” for music films. Their portfolio includes The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Dolly Parton, and apparently Syd Barrett/Pink Floyd (which is like saying “Cheerios/Breakfast Cereal”). They also worked with Iron Maiden, Rush, and Cymande – basically every band your uncle gets drunk and talks about. 📊
Founded by Evan Saxon (no relation to WD-40), the company uses “innovative audience-driven marketing strategies” which means they spam your Facebook feed until you buy a ticket. Saxon started at IRS Records (not the tax agency) and later worked at Capitol Records, so he knows how to monetize nostalgia better than anyone. 💰
So mark your calendars for 2026 when you can watch a documentary about a man who should be dead but isn’t, featuring a song that should be dead but isn’t, starring an artist who should be dead but isn’t. It’s the circle of life, but with more leather. 🔄
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
